Repeating Sadness

Not long after I posted the last entry, a month after I started, I realized that I repeated myself. Yes, I did have three, yes three, strokes, so maybe my brain is a little addles, but mostly I think I'm a moron. That's OK, I'm pretty sure it will take me a month to finish this entry and I'll probably repeat myself again. Seriously, though, with the about of crap that is rattling around in my head, I'm sure I should have something a little bit more original to say.

I'm now into my 7 months since all this happened. I still have many people asking me many questions. How am I doing? What is it like? Endless questions about the things that happened while I was in the hospital. None of this bothers me. I don't mind answering questions at all. There are few things that I'm unwilling to talk about, and if someone asks me about those, then I politely say "I can't talk about that", and leave it.

What I can say is this. At times, since this all started, I've been overcome by overwhelming sadness. Now yes, of course this was true while I was in the hospital. Anyone would be sad, waking up from coma, to find their life shattered. But here I am 7 months later, and if anything my life is better than it has been in a long time. I'm engaged. My relationships with all of my friends and family are deeper than I ever thought myself capable of. My job is going well. I'm back rock climbing, and I'm back mountain biking. I'm luckier than person deserves to be. I nearly died, fighting demons you can't even imagine, and yet to this day I'm at times overwhelmed with sadness. There are many things that can cause this, some that I don't understand.But the thing that truly makes me sad, though, is thinking or hearing about what my friends and family went through while I was asleep. I can't even imagine. All I can say to those people is "I'm sorry" and I really am. I'm sorry.